No matter who I (obsessively) ship, in the end I...
Michelle Obama: I think our schools should provide healther food or at least healthier alternatives for our children during lunch.
Republicans: WHAT THE FUCK? MICHELLE OBAMA IS TRYING TO CONTROL HOW OUR CHILDREN EAT? WHO IS SHE TO TELL US WHAT WE CAN AND CANNOT FEED OUR CHILDREN?!? WE DON'T WANT A GOVERNMENT THAT TRIES TO CONTROL US!
Barack Obama: I believe health care is a fundamental right. I want to reform the health care system and make it mandatory and/or possible for each American to have health insurance.
Republicans: WHAT THE FUCK? WHO DOES BARACK OBAMA THINK HE IS TRYING TO MAKE US GET HEALTH INSURANCE? WE DON'T WANT A GOVERNMENT THAT TRIES TO CONTROL ITS CITIZENS. SMALL GOVERNMENT FTW!
Pregnant woman: I'd like to have an abortion.
Working woman: I'd like for my job insurance to cover my contraception.
Gay couple: We'd like to get married.
Republicans: NO!!! FUCK NO!!! ARE YOU INSANE? YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE AN ABORTION, YOU MURDERER, AND YOU'RE NOT ENTITLED TO CONTRACEPTION, YOU SLUT, AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED, YOU DEGENERATE HOMOSEXUALS. THE BIBLE STATES THAT WE ARE ALLOWED TO CONTROL EVERYONE ACCORDING TO OUR BELIEFS. WE ARE ALLOWED TO CONTROL THE CITIZENS AND INTERFERE IN THEIR PERSONAL LIVES!! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!
in the year 6057
historian: over the last few years we have explored most parts of the prehistoric "the internet" and have come across a gathering of young adults called "tumblr".
historian: we discovered a large amount of "slash" which has lead us to believe that 99% of 21st century humans were homosexual. we do not yet understand how the species managed to surivive
historian: we also uncovered a never before seen language on "tumblr". Words and phrases such as "omg", "wat", "this shit cray" and "yolo" have been deciphered, but more complex sentences such as "dslfajsdlj no stop i can't evensldfjaldjaf" have yet to be understood